COMMINGLE - Word for 2017 - John of the Cross

 In late November, early December as I finished up my John of the Cross class; the word commingle  stayed with me.  The word and how it was used intrigued me. 

John of the Cross writes in Book I, Chapter 5 of Ascent to Mount Carmel, "This is likewise apparent in the same book of Sacred Scripture[Ex. 16:8-13] where it states the people, discontented with that simple food, requested and craved meat, and seriously angered our Lord because of their desire to commingle a food so base and and coarse with one so high and simple that, even though simple, contained the savor and substance of all foods[Wis. 16:20-21]."

 Further in Book II, Chapter 15 of Ascent to Mount Carmel, he writes, "One should not commingle other, more palpable lights of forms, concepts or figures of meditative discourse if one wants to receive this divine light in greater simplicity and abundance, for none of these tangible lights are like that serene, limpid light." 

What is John of the Cross trying to get us to think about?  He is saying be intentional and focus on what God is calling you to do. Do not mix your own desires with the gifts that God has given you. God desires us to be intentional therefore we should not commingle contemplation with meditation.  It is important for us to not be driven by feelings but to just show up.  So if we sit down with the intent to practice lectio divina we should not switch to contemplative prayer when we feel like it but rather practice contemplative prayer at a different time.

For me, commingle is a call to be intentional and stay focused. It is a call to be content with what I have been given.  It is a call to try not to do too much.  Everyday God asks us to consider what are we mixing in that dilutes our relationship with Him and where are we missing out because we are failing to commingle. 

"There are many kinds of awakening that God effects in the soul, so many that we would never finish explaining them all.  Yet this awakening of the son of God that the soul wishes to refer to here is one of the most elevated and beneficial. For this awakening is a movement of the Word in the substance of the soul, containing such grandeur, dominion, glory, and intimate sweetness that it seems to the soul that all the balsams and fragrant spices and flowers of the world are commingled, stirred, and shaken so as to yield their sweet odor, and all the kingdoms and dominions of the world and all the powers and virtues of heaven are moved; not only this, but it also seems that all the virtues and substances and perfections and graces of every created thing glow and make the same movement all at once. " - John of the Cross, The Living Flame of Love, Stanza 4 

 

Living into my suffering; Allowing and Accepting Change

I have pondered these phrases many times over the past two and an half years as at times change has come too quickly and at other times too slowly.  Living into my suffering, a phrase first used by a dear friend of mine after my daughter abruptly moved out has helped me not  touse my suffering as my identity.  My bipolar disorder nor estranged daughter nor my addictions of overeating and overspending are not who I am.  When I live into my suffering I allow Jesus to walk with me and at times to carry  me so as to continue to the journey instead of letting the pain take over and keep me from missing out on the joys of the present moment.

As I trust Jesus to help me to not allow the pain or the challenge or the fear to take over; it also means letting things be what they  are instead of rushing to let them go and shut them out.  It would be much easier for me to block my daughter living in New Zealand or denying my illness or pretending my addictions don't exist.  When I don't allow things to be I rush into relationships and made rash decisions to compensate for my fear of the unknown.  However, when we run, healing cannot come, Jesus is the healer not us, we can allow things to be and  trust Him.  Now this trust thing is easier said than done because the more you allow Jesus to heal you; the more things that you never imagined can become a reality.  Jesus always wants what is best for us and even when we stray leads us back.

As I live into my suffering and allow things to be I must also accept change whether it comes too fast or too slow.  Change seemed too slow when I was waiting to find out about graduate school and now it is going too fast as I find myself in my last year of course work.  It came too fast this summer as some good friends moved away and now as I try to make new friends and try new things it comes too slow.  Change seems slow now as circumstances have changed in my work and I am not sure what the next thing is in terms of vocation and call.

There is no way around it; change is hard whether is good, bad or in between.  Even when it brings freedom, it comes with fear.  After being at a Methodist Church for eight years, my husband and I have recently joined the Episcopal church in our community after over six months of prayerful discernment.  While it is right; it is still scary as I adjust to new people and new ways of doing things.

Suffering, allowing and changing are all apart of life.  I find myself realizing that this is challenge that these three are never going to cease to exist.  I cannot let pride my and my old habits to lead me a stray otherwise I miss out the small simple joys that happen even in the midst of tough circumstances.    I find myself in a place of humility acknowledging that only by the grace of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ can I live day by day.  When I let this relationship go, I become trapped in web of fear and uncertainty that often immobilizes.  When I create space for Jesus by allowing his love to permeate me and then  loving Him by spending time with Him in prayer, study and worship, then and only then can I face whatever the day brings.  I can chase after things to numb the pain but it only leads to more and more pain and a deeper needs that cannot be satisfied.  After forty-four years of living I do not claim to have it all figured out.  In fact, if anything there are more questions and more mysteries.  However, I do know when it comes right down to it that trusting Jesus is the only way I cannot put my trust in a house, or in chocolate cake or in a job or in friend or in a new phone because they eventually will pass away.

May the Grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with you today.  May you find Him wherever you are at and simply have the faith to cry, Help Me, even if you have never prayed before or you have let your faith go by the way side.  Jesus is always ready to meet us where we are at.

Compassion: Suffering Together: An Honest Reflection

A week ago Sunday, I preached on compassion and spoke of Jesus's compassion to the widow.  Yet somehow my words seem overly simplistic and  pale in comparison with the tragic shooting in Orlando.  I made compassion sound so easy but it becomes more complex when an event happens that is beyond our comprehension.

However, we are still called to compassion.  We are to share in the suffering of those who have died, those who were injured, their families and their communities.  We are called to listen, to pray and to participate in extending compassion.  This is where the rubber meets road and we must choose how we respond because Jesus does not say only to love those who were injured.

  Jesus says, "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." Last night as I watched the news and saw the pictures of the 42 young people who were killed a deep sadness welled up inside  me but I confess I feel indifferent at the shooter and his family.  Yet I know I must pray for him, for his family, for his friends and for those who hate.  This does not negate their actions or mean forgiving overnight but it  does mean acknowledging that I am not any better than the shooter.  All of us have the capacity to hate to the point of wanting to kill.

 In having compassion, I realize that I must recognize that I have no idea what it is like to born into a war-torn country, what it is like to only experience family by joining a terrorist group or be able to have food only if I can carry out violence.  I do not know what it is like to be so filled with hate and be in so much pain that I see  causing harm to others as the only solution.  It is difficult but by the grace of God as I pray for those who died so innocently; I also must pray for those who participated in the killing.  I must confess my own sin and go forth extending compassion more deeply being less indifferent towards my neighbors especially those who are different than me.  If I allow hate to consume me, then I am only perpetuating the cycle instead of being part of the solution.  Thus in my own imperfection just for today I will share in the suffering of both victims and the perpetrators and will freely offer love to those around me whether they deserve it or not.  

Eastertide Week 2: Freedom

Because of Jesus' crucifixon and resurrection, we are new creations.  As Easter people the old is gone and the new has come.  We are free to be in this world and not of this world.

As Easter people we have free-will to choose however we have an advocate, the Holy Spirit who will intercede on our behalf and we have a Savior who will forgive us our sins.  God is a God of second, third, fourth and fifth etc. chances.

Freedom in Christ allows us to not be slaves to the hiearchies, the material goods and other trappings of this world.  God desires us to be who she has called us to be.  Each one of us is unique.  We are not living into our calling if we are copying someone else's relationship with God or we have become a nurse because that seems like something religious people should do.

In the scriptures, Jesus tells us to cast all of our burdens upon him and he will give us rest.  Like Max Lucado said in one of his books, put all of your burdens in the suitcase and let Jesus have the suitcase.  That is the tough part, experiencing true freedom as a disciple of Jesus the Christ means giving up control and moving on.

We are free to move on and not look back.  Lamentations says that God mercies are new every morning.  As Easter People let us claim our freedom and stop trying to old wine into new wineskins as the scripture says.  Let us allow our freedom in Christ to fill us with his love.  Let us allow this love to flow out in fresh creative ways to the world.  Our freedom is meant to draw others to Jesus not promote him like some program or list of rules that will get you to heaven.

"True encounter with Christ liberates something in us; a power we did not know we had,  a hope,  a capacity for life, resilence, an ability to bounce back when we thought we were completely defeated, a capacity to grown and change, a power of creative transformation." - Thomas Merton

Eastertide Week 1: Faithfulness

Faithfulness is one of the fruits of the spirit.  Practicing faithfulness means honoring our baptismal vows and keeping our commitment to being Jesus' disciple.  What does faithfulness look like in 2015 on the other side of the Resurrection?

I spent the Triduum and Easter with the sisters at St. Scholastica.  Being faithful for them means trusting God even in the midst of having to sell some of their property and make changes in how they do things.  It means showing up for prayer and demonstrating hospitality even when they don't feel like it.  Faithfulness for some means accepting a new job and moving to a place that they know nothing about.  For others, it is giving of their time to visit shut-ins and pray with the sick.

Faithfulness means listening to God's call and doing the best you can with what you have been given.  For me it means serving God as a wife, a spiritual director and a graduate student.  In all of these roles, I am called to do  my best and to show Christ's love in my daily tasks.

Yet giving God our best does not mean being perfect or checking off a list everyday; it means showing up and letting God work through us.  We do this  best by being willing and by asking God for strength each day.  In this we can take a lesson from the Sisters; while perhaps we cannot meet in a church for 30 minutes everyday at noon but we can pause throughout our day and dedicate our work to God.

Faithfulness is ongoing and for those of us who believe and live on the other side of the Resurrection; we are called to be committed to Jesus the Christ in all we do.  Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die;" (John 11:25. NIV).  The Resurrection transforms when we keep our promises and allow God to lead. 

Spirituality and Mission - "The purpose of [authentic Christian] spirituality is empowerment for mission."

This is a reflection on the book Called to be Sent: Co-Missioned as Disciples Today written by Anthony J. Gittins spublished by Liguori Publications in 2008..  All quotes are from this book.  

To learn more about Anthony J. Gittins, visit: http://www.ctu.edu/academics/anthony-gittins-cssp.

Gittins quotes this expression of Inagrace Diettrich’s , “the purpose of [authentic Christian] spirituality is empowerment for mission” because he wants to emphasize that mission and discipleship cannot be separated.   He states on a previous page that, “One of the first fruits of spirituality that is really new life in the Spirit is a new attitude toward neighbor: toward everyone.”  He is convinced that this is part of where the church has gone wrong.   Many people view mission as going to Africa and sharing Jesus. Mission is something that only a few are called to do.   Others see being spiritual as something only; those who can shut themselves off from the world are called to do.   They do not see the connection between spending time with God and sharing it with the world.  The Holy Spirit is to be our guide in developing an inclusive attitude that views mission as sharing Jesus with the world.  We are to live our faith  in the world 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year not just when we feel like it. If we are only interested in ourselves, then our discipleship only goes so far because we are part of the message of the Gospel. It is not our job to exclude or include people from the community of Jesus Christ based on whether or they drink, gamble, read the Bible, fit our church’s image or look attractive.

Gittins is advocating for Christians to be in the business of fulfilling Ephesians 2:14-18, “destroying the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility.”(Ephesians 2:14).  This is done according to Gittins by developing a “Missional Christianity that is focused on 3 main components, (1) built on faith more than simply belief, (2) it is more than a process than a state, and (3) it is manifest in both skills and virtues.)”  Possessing authentic Christian spirituality can be described as trusting and being guided by the Holy Spirit, accepting that this is a life-long process and developing life-long disciplines, which lead you to fulfilling your vocation.  We cannot do these things on our own strength nor can do we do these things by simply joining a church and sitting in a pew.  We must spend time with God and with those also who can walk this journey of faith with us not to be an exclusive club but rather to give each other strength to be neighbor. 

I confess that I struggle with being neighbor both inside and outside of the church.  I am a member of a church but I am often very cynical about my faith community.  However, as I have begun to pray more for the church and those who lead, I can see the fruits of my time with God. I am more caring and more loving towards those in my church and outside of the church.  Relying on my won strength does not get me anywhere.  I can see myself being led in this direction as I begin my ministry.  I am hearing God’s call to be a spiritual director as a call to be welcoming to all, to not label myself as a United Methodist Spiritual Director or even as a Christian Spiritual Director but rather to listen and let the Holy Spirit guide.  The other piece of my calling as a contemplative is to pray for others and to be an encourager.  The Holy Spirit is guiding my focus to be attentive to those around me, to smile, say hello and even engage in conversation with strangers.  I have often fallen into the trap of believing that I cannot minister to others until I straighten up and do not have so much sin and suffering in my life.  However, I am realizing that just as the love of Jesus is not exclusive are neither joy nor suffering mutually exclusive.  When we are Spirit-led, joy and suffering can exist simultaneously providing us with the strength to continue to be neighbor.

Looking for something to read in 2015: What's on my Autograph Shelf?

One of the highlights of 2014 was getting to attend one of Christine Valters Painters's retreats and have her autograph several of her books.

Christine and I in Cape May NJ at St. Mary's by the Sea,  my autograph shelf features her books, Desert Fathers and Mothers: Early Christian Wisdom Sayings, Eyes of Heart: Photography as a Christian Contemplative Practice along with the Artist's Rule: Nurturing your Creative Soul with Monastic Wisdom - a twelve week journey. 

Tennessee Authors - 

Making Life Matter:Embracing The Joy in the Everyday - Shane Stanford 

Finding Balance: Loving God with Heart and Soul, Mind and Strength  - Becca Stevens 

The Distance to Nightfall - Patricia L. Hamilton 

Chainsaw Preacher and the Chicken Whisperer - Timm Hammer Jonson 

Authors - I have heard speak or attended a retreat/class led by them - 

A Wing and a Prayer: A Message of Faith and Hope - Katharine Jefferts Schori 

Seven Scared Pauses: Living Mindfully through the Hours of the day - Macrina Wiederkehr 

Hildegarde of Bingen - Carmen Acevedo Butcher 

Startled by God :Wisdom From Unexpected Places - Joe McHugh 

Five Practices of Fruitful Living - Robert Schnase 

Making Choices: Discover the Joy in Living the Life You Want to Lead and Gift of a Letter - Alexander Stoddard 

When We Talk about God...Let's Be Honest - R. Kirby Godsey 

Autographed Books Passed Down to Me - 

California Mission Days - Helen Bauer - autographed for mother in 1951 

Prairie Poets II : An Anthology of Verse - gathered by Pasque Petals and the South Dakota State Poetry Society autographed by Adeline M, Jenney, poet Laureate of South Dakota for mother and grandfather in  1966, my grandfather was her mother's pastor from 1932-1936 in Valley Spring South Dakota 

The Secret Life of the Soul and The Taste of New Wine - J. Keith Miller - my  mother attended a retreat done by him in 2007 

Hostage Bound Hostage Free - Ben and Carol Weir with Dennis Benson - I had this autographed for mother and gave it to her as a birthday gift in 1987

Brillant Idiot:An Autobiography of a Dyslexic - Dr. Abraham Schmitt as told to Mary Lou Hartzler Clemens - autographed in 1992 with a message to my mother, my sister and me 

Collections - 

 The Broad River Review - the literary review of Gardner-Webb University Boiling Springs, North Carolina - autographed by featured poet,  Patricia L. Hamilton 

Preaching God's Transforming Justice: A Lectionary Commentary, Year B - autographed by commentator L. Susan Bond 

Naked, And You Clothed Me: Homilies and Reflections for Cycle A - autographed by homilists - Michelle FrancL-Donnay and Christine Valters Painter 

Check out my pinterest board: http://www.pinterest.com/sayaming/cant-wait-for/ to see what I am looking forward to reading in 2015.