I have pondered these phrases many times over the past two and an half years as at times change has come too quickly and at other times too slowly. Living into my suffering, a phrase first used by a dear friend of mine after my daughter abruptly moved out has helped me not touse my suffering as my identity. My bipolar disorder nor estranged daughter nor my addictions of overeating and overspending are not who I am. When I live into my suffering I allow Jesus to walk with me and at times to carry me so as to continue to the journey instead of letting the pain take over and keep me from missing out on the joys of the present moment.
As I trust Jesus to help me to not allow the pain or the challenge or the fear to take over; it also means letting things be what they are instead of rushing to let them go and shut them out. It would be much easier for me to block my daughter living in New Zealand or denying my illness or pretending my addictions don't exist. When I don't allow things to be I rush into relationships and made rash decisions to compensate for my fear of the unknown. However, when we run, healing cannot come, Jesus is the healer not us, we can allow things to be and trust Him. Now this trust thing is easier said than done because the more you allow Jesus to heal you; the more things that you never imagined can become a reality. Jesus always wants what is best for us and even when we stray leads us back.
As I live into my suffering and allow things to be I must also accept change whether it comes too fast or too slow. Change seemed too slow when I was waiting to find out about graduate school and now it is going too fast as I find myself in my last year of course work. It came too fast this summer as some good friends moved away and now as I try to make new friends and try new things it comes too slow. Change seems slow now as circumstances have changed in my work and I am not sure what the next thing is in terms of vocation and call.
There is no way around it; change is hard whether is good, bad or in between. Even when it brings freedom, it comes with fear. After being at a Methodist Church for eight years, my husband and I have recently joined the Episcopal church in our community after over six months of prayerful discernment. While it is right; it is still scary as I adjust to new people and new ways of doing things.
Suffering, allowing and changing are all apart of life. I find myself realizing that this is challenge that these three are never going to cease to exist. I cannot let pride my and my old habits to lead me a stray otherwise I miss out the small simple joys that happen even in the midst of tough circumstances. I find myself in a place of humility acknowledging that only by the grace of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ can I live day by day. When I let this relationship go, I become trapped in web of fear and uncertainty that often immobilizes. When I create space for Jesus by allowing his love to permeate me and then loving Him by spending time with Him in prayer, study and worship, then and only then can I face whatever the day brings. I can chase after things to numb the pain but it only leads to more and more pain and a deeper needs that cannot be satisfied. After forty-four years of living I do not claim to have it all figured out. In fact, if anything there are more questions and more mysteries. However, I do know when it comes right down to it that trusting Jesus is the only way I cannot put my trust in a house, or in chocolate cake or in a job or in friend or in a new phone because they eventually will pass away.
May the Grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with you today. May you find Him wherever you are at and simply have the faith to cry, Help Me, even if you have never prayed before or you have let your faith go by the way side. Jesus is always ready to meet us where we are at.
As I trust Jesus to help me to not allow the pain or the challenge or the fear to take over; it also means letting things be what they are instead of rushing to let them go and shut them out. It would be much easier for me to block my daughter living in New Zealand or denying my illness or pretending my addictions don't exist. When I don't allow things to be I rush into relationships and made rash decisions to compensate for my fear of the unknown. However, when we run, healing cannot come, Jesus is the healer not us, we can allow things to be and trust Him. Now this trust thing is easier said than done because the more you allow Jesus to heal you; the more things that you never imagined can become a reality. Jesus always wants what is best for us and even when we stray leads us back.
As I live into my suffering and allow things to be I must also accept change whether it comes too fast or too slow. Change seemed too slow when I was waiting to find out about graduate school and now it is going too fast as I find myself in my last year of course work. It came too fast this summer as some good friends moved away and now as I try to make new friends and try new things it comes too slow. Change seems slow now as circumstances have changed in my work and I am not sure what the next thing is in terms of vocation and call.
There is no way around it; change is hard whether is good, bad or in between. Even when it brings freedom, it comes with fear. After being at a Methodist Church for eight years, my husband and I have recently joined the Episcopal church in our community after over six months of prayerful discernment. While it is right; it is still scary as I adjust to new people and new ways of doing things.
Suffering, allowing and changing are all apart of life. I find myself realizing that this is challenge that these three are never going to cease to exist. I cannot let pride my and my old habits to lead me a stray otherwise I miss out the small simple joys that happen even in the midst of tough circumstances. I find myself in a place of humility acknowledging that only by the grace of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ can I live day by day. When I let this relationship go, I become trapped in web of fear and uncertainty that often immobilizes. When I create space for Jesus by allowing his love to permeate me and then loving Him by spending time with Him in prayer, study and worship, then and only then can I face whatever the day brings. I can chase after things to numb the pain but it only leads to more and more pain and a deeper needs that cannot be satisfied. After forty-four years of living I do not claim to have it all figured out. In fact, if anything there are more questions and more mysteries. However, I do know when it comes right down to it that trusting Jesus is the only way I cannot put my trust in a house, or in chocolate cake or in a job or in friend or in a new phone because they eventually will pass away.
May the Grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with you today. May you find Him wherever you are at and simply have the faith to cry, Help Me, even if you have never prayed before or you have let your faith go by the way side. Jesus is always ready to meet us where we are at.
