As I sat reading Nadia Bolz-Weber's latest book, Pastrix: the Cranky, beautiful faith of a Sinner & Saint; this quote hit me right between the eyes. I thought about a conversation recently when I expressed an opinion in a way that others saw as judgmental and self-righteous but when I thought about it; I realized that what I said really was about my own loneliness and frustration not even about the issue at hand. But at the bottom of my own loneliness and frustration is my trying to do stuff in my own strength. I have become too focused on the "spiritual improvement ladder" ; rather than focusing on being made anew in Jesus Christ.
Weber further states, "We die and are made new, but that's different from spiritual self-improvement." Dying and being made new are God's work not us trying in our own strength trying to become super Christian.
So then the question becomes, Do I really want to be made new? and the answer is yes and no.
No, because being made new means admitting that I am broken and yes because I am tired of being broken. Yet, believe it or not somehow I have become proud of my brokenness. Instead of letting God heal my loneliness and insecurity; I often wear it as a badge of honor, because in the short-term it lessens the pain. It seems easier to wear the badge of honor that reads, I love not belonging and not being understood. In the long-term it only creates more barriers; because it hurts my relationship with God and then I miss out on learning from others because I am so focused on self-preservation.
So today, I confess and I say God, forgive my foolish and selfish pride that lets me think I am making spiritual progress but instead I am becoming more dead and less alive. Help me to focus less on being understood but rather on understanding and loving others following your example. In Jesus' Name Amen.
Learn more about Nadia be by reading her blog, http://www.patheos.com/blogs/nadiabolzweber/
Weber further states, "We die and are made new, but that's different from spiritual self-improvement." Dying and being made new are God's work not us trying in our own strength trying to become super Christian.
So then the question becomes, Do I really want to be made new? and the answer is yes and no.
No, because being made new means admitting that I am broken and yes because I am tired of being broken. Yet, believe it or not somehow I have become proud of my brokenness. Instead of letting God heal my loneliness and insecurity; I often wear it as a badge of honor, because in the short-term it lessens the pain. It seems easier to wear the badge of honor that reads, I love not belonging and not being understood. In the long-term it only creates more barriers; because it hurts my relationship with God and then I miss out on learning from others because I am so focused on self-preservation.
So today, I confess and I say God, forgive my foolish and selfish pride that lets me think I am making spiritual progress but instead I am becoming more dead and less alive. Help me to focus less on being understood but rather on understanding and loving others following your example. In Jesus' Name Amen.
Learn more about Nadia be by reading her blog, http://www.patheos.com/blogs/nadiabolzweber/
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