Thank goodness it's Friday or Not: Living Hope

In the Garden at St. Scholastica Monastery 

I am not sure when I learned about TGIF – thank goodness or thank God it’s Friday but I am sure I must be around 9 or 10 around that age when school is becoming harder and you look forward to the weekends.  Weekends represented fun, friends and family.  Dinner out, dances, parties, plays, football games and staying up late all occurred on Fridays or sometime during the weekend.  TGIF has become commonplace for me now as an adult; I look forward to a break from the routines of work and school. 

Somehow, though now being thankful for Fridays is more difficult.  Eight weeks ago on a Friday; I said good-bye to my daughter and have not seen her since.  It is hard to believe and hard to wrap my brain around that I have survived.  At first Fridays only represented pain.  Last year at this time; our family was celebrating; we were thankful that Jane was alive and had been able to get the treatment she needed.  Allan took Jane to a doctor’s appointment in Memphis and on then they went on to the Beale Street Music Festival, which they enjoyed. I spent the day catching up on work, enjoying lunch and dinner with two different friends and very grateful to be on the side of healing. 

It is easy to be thankful when things are going well and yet that is not what life is all about is it.  Life is about courage, mystery and relationships.  It is seeing God through the immersion of human experience. Several weeks ago, I spent Good Friday at the St.  Scholastica Monastery in Fort Smith, Arkansas.  Good Friday is when Christians observe and remember the Crucifixion of Christ.  As a kid, I always wondered why it was called Good Friday; shouldn’t it be called bad Friday?  Yet is it good is it not for on that day because of our sins and out of His love for us; Jesus chose to be crucified and died on the cross to bring us living hope. Even we suffer on Fridays because of sickness or job loss or death of loved ones or any kind of tragedy or bad news;  we can hope because Jesus conquered death and stands as our Living Hope even we as humans have none.   However, I have discovered recently that in order to view Good Friday as good; one has to be able to weep and be honest with God.  I cannot truly experience redemption without letting God have my pain. Initially on Good Friday at the monastery; I felt great and I was patting myself on the back for keeping silent and staying away from technology well mostly.  Later after the Celebration of the Passion and dinner; I went out in the garden and wept.  I could see my own betrayal of Jesus: my focus on feeling good, on wanting to hold on to Jane; on wanting to turn the clock back and my desire to want to run away.   As the tears came and as they continue to come; I am reminded of another mother, Mary, who 2,000 years ago watched her son die on cross.  While Mary’s son, Jesus did rise again; the relationship was never the same; Jesus was not her little boy anymore.   I find comfort in knowing that she cried too and that even in knowing that what happened was good for all of humanity; I have to believe it was painful for Mary. So on this Friday; I grieve but I am also thankful because on a Friday many years ago Jesus died and became the Living Hope for all of humanity.  I am thankful for the sunshine, and I am looking forward to this evening with my husband and friends watching minor league baseball. I know in my heart that my redeemer lives and believe even when I do not feel it that my Fridays are being redeemed and healing is occurring.  I weep over what is lost but I look forward with joyful anticipation to what is to come.