So the other day, as I drove to an appointment, I was listening to a talk on Thomas Merton and Henri Nouwen. The speaker, Dr. Michael Higgins referred to Merton and Nouwen as, "sacred disrupters."
While Dr. Higgins had something different in mind, I can definitely say that they began a sacred disruption in my life. Reading their works began my pursuit of the contemplative. In their writings at a time when I felt misunderstood beyond measure I found comfort. These two men, one a priest and another monk, both already decreased by the time I opened their books, captured my heart, mind and soul. Merton and Nouwen possessed high intelligence, wrestled with their vocations and openly declared their shortcomings. A seed began to germinate. A movement toward the contemplative, a desire for more silence and solitude, less noise, less television and less people. A slow process of becoming, with its many twists and turns, of moves and losses, of bad choices and addiction, of feeling completely lost but somehow I always returned to their writings, writings that grounded me and made me feel less alone because I took great comfort in knowing that they struggled too and that they too at times had felt alone. What are my favorites? Thomas Merton's, New Seeds of Contemplation and Henri Nouwen's, Road to Daybreak. Both of them wrote their journals which have been published in various forms which I am continually drawn.
Fast forward to the present day, in the last several weeks the Abbott John Eudes Bamberger, passed away. The same John Eudes Bamberger who translated, the Pratikos and Chapters on Prayer by Evagrius Ponticus in the early 1970s which I consulted for my master's thesis, also had relationships with Thomas Merton and Henri Nouwen. I deeply regret not having e-mailed him to tell him about my thesis and how his work played a role in it. Further still, I could have had the opportunity to meet him in person at an International Thomas Merton Society event if I had attended. A full circle, a pursuit of vocation leading to connections between all of their writings and myself.
Life is short so listening to those still small tuggings of the Spirit fails to be an option if I am truly a Christ-follower and do not want to miss out.
And now to a sacred interruption which totally altered my trajectory, a little girl, said hello to me in Starbucks as I headed out the door having already spent a long while working on m y thesis. However, I stopped and playfully introduced myself, meeting her friend and asking their ages. Soon her mother and I began talking. By the end of the conversation, we recognized a kindred spirit and agreed we need to talk again. This encounter eventually led to three different encounters which led me to take the plunge and seek out becoming a member of the CO, a place where I could go and share cooperative office space. On February 19, 2020 I officially joined the CO, four days before Transfiguration Sunday. And somehow in that moment I knew I could not go back, similarly to Merton as he stood on the 4th and Walnut in Downtown, Louisville, I experienced an epiphany. I needed to participate in the 100 day festival not skirt around but claim the renewal offered by the E arth and to participate in the call to being as Merton says, "Our True Self" journeying with others desiring the same and becoming One with them regardless of theology or dogma.
As the third week approaches, I leave you with these words that sit on my heart, touch the depth of my soul and occupy a space in my mind, "Nicodemus challenges, Jesus the Christ, 'How can these things be? the Christ answers,'You are the teacher of a deep spiritual tradition and yet you do not understand these things?" -
© Alexander John Shaia, 2020
While Dr. Higgins had something different in mind, I can definitely say that they began a sacred disruption in my life. Reading their works began my pursuit of the contemplative. In their writings at a time when I felt misunderstood beyond measure I found comfort. These two men, one a priest and another monk, both already decreased by the time I opened their books, captured my heart, mind and soul. Merton and Nouwen possessed high intelligence, wrestled with their vocations and openly declared their shortcomings. A seed began to germinate. A movement toward the contemplative, a desire for more silence and solitude, less noise, less television and less people. A slow process of becoming, with its many twists and turns, of moves and losses, of bad choices and addiction, of feeling completely lost but somehow I always returned to their writings, writings that grounded me and made me feel less alone because I took great comfort in knowing that they struggled too and that they too at times had felt alone. What are my favorites? Thomas Merton's, New Seeds of Contemplation and Henri Nouwen's, Road to Daybreak. Both of them wrote their journals which have been published in various forms which I am continually drawn.
Fast forward to the present day, in the last several weeks the Abbott John Eudes Bamberger, passed away. The same John Eudes Bamberger who translated, the Pratikos and Chapters on Prayer by Evagrius Ponticus in the early 1970s which I consulted for my master's thesis, also had relationships with Thomas Merton and Henri Nouwen. I deeply regret not having e-mailed him to tell him about my thesis and how his work played a role in it. Further still, I could have had the opportunity to meet him in person at an International Thomas Merton Society event if I had attended. A full circle, a pursuit of vocation leading to connections between all of their writings and myself.
Life is short so listening to those still small tuggings of the Spirit fails to be an option if I am truly a Christ-follower and do not want to miss out.
And now to a sacred interruption which totally altered my trajectory, a little girl, said hello to me in Starbucks as I headed out the door having already spent a long while working on m y thesis. However, I stopped and playfully introduced myself, meeting her friend and asking their ages. Soon her mother and I began talking. By the end of the conversation, we recognized a kindred spirit and agreed we need to talk again. This encounter eventually led to three different encounters which led me to take the plunge and seek out becoming a member of the CO, a place where I could go and share cooperative office space. On February 19, 2020 I officially joined the CO, four days before Transfiguration Sunday. And somehow in that moment I knew I could not go back, similarly to Merton as he stood on the 4th and Walnut in Downtown, Louisville, I experienced an epiphany. I needed to participate in the 100 day festival not skirt around but claim the renewal offered by the E arth and to participate in the call to being as Merton says, "Our True Self" journeying with others desiring the same and becoming One with them regardless of theology or dogma.
As the third week approaches, I leave you with these words that sit on my heart, touch the depth of my soul and occupy a space in my mind, "Nicodemus challenges, Jesus the Christ, 'How can these things be? the Christ answers,'You are the teacher of a deep spiritual tradition and yet you do not understand these things?" -
© Alexander John Shaia, 2020
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| Photo of me in April, 2015 at the site of Thomas Merton's Epiphany, where many of us attending the 2015 Spiritual Directors International Meeting tied a ribbon on the pole offering up our prayer for wisdom and guidance. |
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